I can't believe how awesome God's timing is, how perfect and mysterious. I recently wrote about the 1year anniversary from our ectopic pregnancy loss. I can recall the peace I had writing about the waiting being part of the journey and how thankful I am for my new found ability to truly abide in Him. And then less than a week later I find out... I'm pregnant. That's right, you read it correctly.. p.r.e.g.n.a.n.t!!!!!!!!! Not only was I already pregnant while writing that post, I was also already pregnant when I wrote my desire to be, on a card at church and turned it in as my 1 thing I wanted to give to God in 2011. Seriously... HE BLOWS MY MIND! His precious timing is crazy. The way the circumstances encircled this pregnancy can only confirm that God has a plan WAY better than anything we could ever imagine for ourselves. That His timing is for a purpose and that He hears us even when He doesn't answer us immediately. Our ectopic loss last year was all in preparation for this pregnancy today.
Given our loss in the past we are still a little guarded in this pregnancy. I am certainly not holding it at arms length, in fact, just the opposite. I am clinging to the truth that God knows this child's life already and has a plan for it as much as for the rest of us. I believe in His ability to start and complete anything. He is more than able to turn my previous pain into a fantastic fresh start, it's in Him and Him alone that I am placing my faith and trust.
I did go see a new OB yesterday. Due to previous situations I do not care to return to my last OB/GYN so when I began the search for a new one, I decided to just try the one that works with midwives in the area, considering we are seriously looking into using a midwife anyways. (more on that another time) While at the OB I had a sonogram and routine blood work. I go back Monday for repeat blood work just to compare the HCG levels. Since I've had a previous ectopic I am now at a high risk for another ectopic so I get watched closely until its determined I'm not ectopic. Sounds FUN huh? The sono didn't show anything in my uterus except for alot of thickening. I am too early to let that be a bad thing, at this point there's a 50/50 chance to see anything. However, my ovaries looked good and there was no sign of a cyst on either one this time, which is a good sign since that's what blocked my pregnancy last time making it become ectopic. (thank you pcos)
So with that little bit of good news we left and are in a holding pattern until labs come back. Depending on the #'s the doc will set our next appointment and sono. If they are low enough to make not seeing anything ok then all is well, if they were high enough that I should have been showing by now then we will have to consider bad things. I for one, having knowledge of my cycle, ovulation pattern and sex life, believe I am earlier than what my LMP says and that all is well. I have been having definite signs of pregnancy (frequent urination, tender breasts, major heartburn, good center cramping and side twinges, and a few other good signs.) Not to mention the 3 consecutive hpt's that show progressive darker positives over 8 days. Yes I am that person that needs several positive tests.
So after all that info let's get to the exciting, fun pregnancy stuff... baby planning!! Given my LMP my tentative due date is Sept 20-21st. That kinda stinks because it's right in the heat of Texas' worst and means I'll be biggest during our 100+ degree days... but I'll take it. We have, long before positive test, decided that we are going to find out the sex of the baby but not share the name until birth. We know that we (ok mostly me) are just too curious and would fail at not finding out the sex, so what's the point. But I do like having the private name for 9 months and then surprise it's ____ _____ ! Ok so only the first name is going to be a secret- the 2 middle names will be known and obviously the last name. duh. We are already day dreaming about having a newborn in our new apartment (which will accommodate nicely) and remembering the joys of it all. Maddy is absolutely thrilled to be a big sister.. although it took a lot of convincing to get her to understand that it doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl she's a big sister either way. She really didn't wanna be a brother-- TOO CUTE.
We have been thankful to get great support from most of the people in our lives. Those that aren't there yet just don't understand that we have complete faith in God and His plan for our life, even if it doesn't make sense to the rest of the world. Yes, more money would always pay bills better, but God hasn't stopped providing once. True, if I weighed less I might have an easier pregnancy, but I weigh what I weigh and that doesn't mean I shouldn't be allowed to bear a child. Of course more space to live in would give everyone more room, but only in America do we think we need hundreds of square feet for each person, especially when we almost always end up within arms length from one another. Clearly 2 cars would make things easier on us, but we are blessed with 1 reliable vehicle and a flexible schedule that allows for better planning-- not to say someone isn't welcome to drop off a car at our apartment,lol. These are all valid excuses to not have another baby right now. But they aren't reasons for us and shouldn't keep other people from being excited for us. Who isn't thankful for a new life being born into a God fearing, Christ centered house with 2 parents, married and of opposite sex? *dismounting soapbox.
So this is our news, this is God's story for our life right now, and we are shouting Yes Lord!! Whatever may come- we declare this moment- a joy for this unborn baby.
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